Only I am ideal

I do not remember how the subject on the lunch table went to police. As always there were some who were saying that people join police service only to get extra money, and there were few who felt that not all the police are bad and there are few noble in them as well.
In the start I was in the group saying "all the police are corrupt".

Afterwards when I thought deeply about this subject, I could understand following points.
1. We comment negatively on police, politicians and other government employees because many times we see lack of will, enthusiasm and corruptness in these professionals.
2. Everybody can see people belonging to these profession doing wrong things very easily. Since they come directly into contact with all of us.
3. Really speaking in India salaries of government employees (including politicians) are very very less.
4. Politicians. police and many others in government jobs handle much tensed situations than general people like me and you come across.
5. We always want someone else to blame for all problems in this world and these are the professions against which we can unanimously raise our voice.

Now why do I think that they are not that bad? - because the tag of good/ bad/ better/ best/ worse can be attached only to a person. I can not make statement like all politicians are bad, or all police are bad. Forming a generalized opinion is really wrong thing on our part. Like you and me they are also human beings.

Are we really good people?
1. We choose careers like Dr. or engineer or architect because these are noble professions - are not the careers like police, politician also noble? We do not join those careers why?
- Many of us are not ready to work on those lower salaries
- If salary is not problem then we give reason of safety. These profession involve risk of life.
- If not both above then some people say that only corrupt people can fit these professions... why? are not these professions really the reflection of society? It is you and me who form this society.
2. How many of us stop on road when we see some accident? How many of us try to raise voice against loafers in public places when they are disturbing some girl (who is in noway related to you)?
3. How many of us help blind person to cross road? How many of us give good tip to the waiter if we get good service in hotel? How many of us give 2Rs to the mechanic working on petrol pump for filling air in tire (Petrol pump of at least BPC have board free - air)?

I know most of you and me will give negative answers to above questions (be honest).
We don't want to perfect ourselves but we expect perfection from everybody else.

Coming back to the subject of politicians and police. I think anybody whoever gets power, have probability to make it's use for right or wrong purposes. Is not it true that we also see good and bad bosses in companies? Is not it true that even we see good and bad people in our relatives?

The question of good or bad should not be tied with any profession. no profession is bad. It depends on the professional whether s/he wants to use his powers in good way or in bad way. We always think that I am right and there are problems in people around us, think in opposite direction only I am wrong and everybody else is perfect (what I want to say is there are always 2 sides to the coin).

Next time when you will comment on police or politician just ask 2 question to yourself first
1. Why I did not choose this profession, to make corrections in the system
2. Am I an ideal/ perfect human being?... can I expect it from others?

Why should I meditate?

I did my first official course for learning meditation when I was in 7th standard (I guess). That was part of Children Siddha Samadhi Yoga. After that I did RCRT (Rapid comprehensive review technique) in std 9. I do not remember much experiences at the time of CSSY, but I remember during RCRT me and few friends of mine (Jashan Parekh and others I don't remember) we used to kill flies when others used to meditate.
Afterwards I tried meditation many a times, but most of the times whenever I started with very high aims like I want to see God and all... I could not continue for more than 10 days (not very sure about number of days).

Now today I decided to start meditation again but this time I am sure that I will continue it for long time.

Earlier I used to try meditation, but really speaking - even for CSSY and RCRT teachers used to expect a lot from us (I do not blame teachers - I know most of the teachers were good). The problem was they used to expect that when they say meditate for 10 mins we will meditate like Buddha. Come on, I think even it was not possible for them. So we used to do time pass, because if I go and ask for help general reply of teacher will be "concentrate!!... others can do it why can't you?". Now since I can not see 100s or 200s Buddhas around me on today's date. I am confident now that others though did not complained, they were also waiting for that 10 min time to finish.

After that when I became somewhat old (20-25) I tried meditation mostly to solve problems and to see God. Most of the times my problems were solved and I think I had chance to talk to God. I could not continue again because once the problem is solved I used to forget meditation (you know I am very busy ;))

So why I am writing this and why do I want to start it again?
I thought about it scientifically. Let me give few analogies to explain.
1. In fluid mechanics I learned that steady flow and turbulent flow. Similarly I think our mind gets 100s or 1000s or sometimes 1000000 (basically very large number) of thoughts every moment (turbulent behavior) and we try to go beyond many of them at a time. In turbulent flow of fluid, fluid particle is acted upon by many random direction forces. The flow as such has undermined direction. Now if I meditate I try to bring my thoughts in my control (though the dictionary meaning of meditation may not mean it - I am writing my ideas). So making my thoughts flow like a steady flow - direction of thought can be in control.
E.g. Let's take example of solving some algorithm, if I could tell/ direct my mind to think about nothing else but only that algorithm then I could get the better result.
2. In thermodynamics I learned that entropy (measure of inefficiency) is the reason for inefficiency. Again this entropy comes because of randomness. If I consider my mind as a machine who's output is thoughts then when I meditate I reduce the randomness in mind, so mind works efficiently.

I think this time I have good scientific reason behind meditation. I am hopeful that I will continue meditation 2 times a day, at least for next 30-60 days. I promise here that I won't take lunch if I do not meditate in the morning and I won't take dinner if I don't meditate in the evening. This condition is just for 45 days. After 45 days I don't know but at least update the results here in comments.

How should I meditate -
1. Focus your mind on anything you want. It could be 'C++'. It could be 'Project tasks'. It could be 'plan for next day'. It could be 'social topic'. Sit for 10mins without loosing focus from this topic/ subject.
2. In the evening I should meditate about what do I did today. Was there possibility for improvement? What are my plans for tomorrow.
3. In the morning I should meditate about what all things I want to do today? How can I make my today better than past?

Cheers!!
Ashish

The positive side of recession

Now a days whenever I meet any old friend he asks me what is the situation in your company. We talk on it for sometime and then I see my friend is quite scared about the situation.

I think they are serious because they think that they will have to sit at home, then people will ask questions? What will happen to bank loans? Oh our future is in danger.

When I think about recession, I feel very happy. I will be happy to sit at home. After ~3.5 years I will get full freedom. I do not have to worry about meetings. I do not have to wake-up thinking of office timing. I can see the sunrise and sunset everyday. I can go on terrace and see the sky for long hours as I used to do in BE prep. leaves. I would like to see the birds in the sky for hours.
I will use time at home as study leave. I will start studying new subjects. I already have 20-30 books which I want to study as early as possible. I will get time to learn those, I want to learn linux I will learn it. It is opportunity to get spend time on health. Great is not it!!

Yes there is one problem if recession continues for more than 3-6 months them I will have to find source for income. I guess I could teach school children subjects like maths and science (I will enjoy this a lot and will surely get around 2000Rs per month). Then I will start taking software projects on my own. Otherwise even I could do some consultancy -by doing this I will get what I deserve, this is my loooong due dream.

Few more things I would like to do if I get opportunity to sit at home -
1. I want to become good cook (presently I am poor cook)
2. I will go to FC road and SB road to make myself believe that world is beautiful.
3. I would like to complete my next level of Japanese language - I laugh a lot when learning Japanese.

Job is not 'the most' important part of life. You will at the most loose your present job. God might have better plans for you and me.

Cheers!!

With minimum knowledge and maximun understanding

There was time when I wanted to know everything in this world. I wanted to read book on each and every subject, but always had my own opinions on the subjects. My friends in school and few in college know that I used to apply my own thoughts in most the cases.
After that I came to industry. I learned that there are procedures to do everything. I learned that I need not think on every complex thing - I should just know the recipe to do the work. I learned that every time I need to apply my mind, it will be good if I could just ask seniors.

Now ~3.5years industry experience I know procedures, I know I should ask others when in doubt, I know there are ready made recipes to the complex problems. But then have I lost my identity?

Why should I read books like "Seven habits of highly effective people"? Can't I invent methods for my own?

Why should I learn from others how to behave as good person in society? Is my mind/ brain dead?

When I go to slum area - I think I am not safe, is it only because of the knowledge of slum area which gives me these prejudice thoughts?

When I write code I know that how should I write good code. Won't it be great if I think every time before I write new line of code.

When I look at any person, I form my opinions about him, only because I know. No hence forward I am happy with bare minimum knowledge but I want to live. I don't want to memorise past experiences I want to enjoy new ones.

I don't want past to drive present. I don't want my future to be drawn with the colours of past.

I want to live every moment. I don't want to apply mind thinking what it is. I want to apply my mind thinking what it can be? I want to see the colours in this world I did not see before. I want to understand the experiences never experienced before. I want to feel the moments which have their own identity.

I don't want to be a part of matrix. I want to create my own identity. I want to be what I am.

Little girl

I think I write too many blogs now a days.

Today's topic is some what different. I was coming from office to home around 8pm, as usual I stopped at magazine stall near Karve Statue to check for latest issue of Digit, unfortunately I did not find this month's digit's issue great but something unexpected happened. A small girl (might be in 2nd or 3rd class) came to the stall owner and asked him

Little Girl : Uncle please give me 1 Rs to call at my home?
Shop keeper : Do you have phone at home?
Little Girl: Yes
Shop keeper: Why do you want to call?
(the reason was quite expected) she was waiting for her mother and was quite upset because nobody from her home came to take her (from some class).
Shop keeper(in quite abnormal manner): give me your home number
Little Girl: which one? I have mobile as well as land line at home
after saying this she left the book stall and the wife of shop keeper came there, they kept talking about how she run away. I felt bad, my problem was I have beard and in my software industry dress code I look quite similar to some Daku. So I did not tried talk to her for help at first, but then I realised that I was wearing helmet and when I looked around I could see her at quite near distance, I offered her 2 Rs to call at home and asked her to take 20-40Rs if she want to go home by Auto Rikshaw, she told me that she is afraid to go home alone and asked me to go with her. Remembering the fact that I am still having helmet to cover my Daku like face I asked her that I will drop her to her home if she is comfortable. Her home was quite nearer to my home (only 1-2 Km) so I could easily find her address. I felt quite tensed while driving to her home, what will happen if I go wrong? Finally I dropped her exactly in front of her building.

She asked me to come to her home, but I did not dared to go to her home. What will happen if her mother looks at my beard and dressing? she might scold her daughter for coming home with stranger. I just told her that don't go home with strangers in future.

After telling her don't go with strangers in future, I felt sad in mind that - why do we need to say this? Is it really such bad situation in this world? Was not it possible for the shop keeper just to say no for 1Rs (The little girl had car [with driver] at home - her mother would have given him 100Rs for that 1Rs - let us forget about it for moment).

But after all it was also true that person like me would not be able to sleep if he do not help such little kid, and I know there are many other like (even better than) me.

Cheers friends - do not keep beard unnecessarily.

"Stop Forrest stop"

Forrst Gump is one of my 'The Favorite' movies. I remember one scene from the movie when the actress (don't remember name in movie) says Forrest 'Run Forrest run'. The impact it makes is amazing, Forrest is able to run without the supports for his legs.
When I see people around me running and I sometimes think to stop them and ask "But why are you running?". I think many of them do not know why are they running. The most common answer I think they will give is "Because everybody else is running".
Me: but why everyone else is running?
X: because one has to run, without knowing why.
Me: But why are you following them, if you don't know why they are running.
X: That is what I am doing from the time I am born.
Me: so you do the thing that everybody else does.
X: Why - what do you do then
Me: I am trying to find that out. Trying to get our of the rat race. (Pause) What do you think you will achieve running like this?
X: Well I am sure that you won't achieve anything without being part of the race, at least I am running with them.
Me: But I don't want to be a part of the race, when I do not know where it is heading, I do not know why everybody is running and I don't know what will we achieve at the end of it?
X: What do you want to do then?
Me: Is not the life possible without race?
X: I never thought of it.
Me: Neither do I, but now want to do it.

I may not be a good story writer to narrate what I wanted to say (neither do I care - I am writing these blogs for myself)

But I see same unspoken conversations happening around and within me many a times.

If you do not believe me that we are part of rat race then I will give you following examples (at least they prove to me that I am {was?} part of rat race)
1. I want 25% salary hike because even the dumb as* in the office is getting 20% (I failed to ask myself does I deserve 25% - my reason is - even the dumb as* is getting 20%)
2. I don't understand how could I get 56% when the dumb ABC has got 63% (I should have asked what I wrote in exam - why should I think that if 63 for ABC then 70 for me?)
3. I should have a laptop - man all of my friends have it (do I need it? - rather for many the question is do I know how to use it and what is it's use?)

Life would be much much easy if simple answers like - manager is agreed to my reasoning, university agreed with my reasoning or I bought laptop whether I need it or not.
It becomes a habit. By becoming a part of rat race we set our standards based on what people around me are and not on what are my capabilities?

That is why I was thinking now it is time to say "Stop Forrest stop", stop to have a close look at your life, stop to think what you want to do, stop to search who you are, stop to listen to your own mind. Do not run in the rat race where nobody knows where s/he is going. Do not run in the rat race where everybody is living somebody Else's life (without understanding why). Do not run in the race where you forget the basics of life. Do not run in the race where you forget yourself. Do not run in the race which makes you stop dreaming. See your own dreams Forrest, do not make others ideas your dreams.

What will be use of "stopping to think"
1. I won't have to keep confirming from 1000's that what I am doing is right (because I know it is right)
2. I know what I am going to achieve with what I am doing (because I have planned for it and was working to achieve it)
3. I know the road I am traveling (I know what road I am traveling because I have chosen this road)
4. I will be in control of my life.

So Forrest please stop to talk to your mind, let the world run...

Knowledge is inter-related

I do not know who said this first - "Knowledge is inter-related", I heard this most of the times from Dr. Vijay Gokhale sir.

When I learned "Fluid mechanics" first our teachers/ books used to give analogy of Electric current to understand flow of fluid.
Voltage is analogous to head
Flow rate is analogous to current
so on...

Before that in 11-12th class I had taken Electrical technology as optional subject, in ET class our teacher used to tell us that - to understand how current flows take example of water flow (fluid flow :)).

After that almost 6 years after studying fluid mechanics and ET etc. subjects I went to class for UNIX, and Gokhale sir told us "Unix Operating system is analogous to mother", study of study operating system is study of mother!

In my engineering days I read one book on Thermodynamics (Authors - Cengel and Boles) - in this book the concept of entropy and process efficiency is explained by giving analogy or ordered person (low entropy so more efficient) and dis-ordered person (more entropy so less efficient). I have not understood some other theories but some authors prove entropy with help of statistics.

Coming back to the original point - "Knowledge is inter-related".

I think some long long time back there must be a concept of scholar who is expert in every field (rather I will call him as a generic expert). Then as humans became more and more knowledgeable they started feeling a need of subject expert. Then the generic expert started getting known by the profession they are specialised in. People started calling the expert in health and medicine as Doctor, expert in machinery and construction as engineer and the experts who were interested in social service became politicians. Then I think people started differentiating in between these experts and they formed opinion that Dr. only knows about health and medicine and the engineer only about construction and machinery, time passed and in the run of time these experts really became subject experts, they forgot that they are scholars. Dr.s stopped studying engineering (it was not their subject) and engineers stopped learning things related to health and medicine.

On today's date when I go to Dental surgeon he cant give me medicine on heart and the heart specialist cant be consulted for kidney disease. Civil engineer do not know about automobiles and automotive engineer is dumb in problems of Power plant.

I think computers are bridging this gap now a days. Unfortunately they are also distinguished as Mac OS for artits, Linux for developers, UNIX for administrators, Windows for layman and so on.

I think a day will come when all these diversed experts will find need to learn the others subject to become a scholar. For example if I am mechanical engineer working on sit-system crash analysis and I udnerstand the rib-structure very well!! and the same mechanical engineer if s/he understands the FEA algorithms which are doing the simulation behind the scenes!!! and s/he also understands the one should be proactive - no need for managers in this world!!.
A day will come when religious scholars will understand that what is said by Shree-Krishna in Bhagwad geeta is same as the what Jejus said in Bible and what Mohammad paigambar said in Kuran. There will be no war on the name of religion!!

I hope and I pray that day will come.

I search

Hi all, I know most of my friends are used to my statements like - "I have taken leave and sitting at home in search of truth" or "I am reading something and think that it is helping me in my search for truth". I know many of you find it funny, sometimes I think same. Is not it funny to search for truth?

Why do we have to search for things which are within us like truth, happiness, love? Are these things external? or is it the thing that we have lost them in search of comfort and short cuts to success .

I remember my old good engineering days when I used to think quite a lot about engineering fundamentals. My ideas of engineering design and analysis were quite different. I used to think that I want to get the real knowledge of the subject and to achieve this I used to buy 5-10 reference books for the fundoo subjects like Mechanical Design, Strength of materials, Theory of machines, Thermodynamics and so on. On today's date unfortunately (or rather fortunately) I am working in software development and when I look at Mechanical engineering, sometimes I am able to find the design intent very easily. Now I do think that it was not wrong to read 5-10 reference books for the subject, wrong thing was reading 5-10 books without completely understanding one.

After wards when my journey started in software engineering, I did not repeat my past mistake I took only one book at the time. First one was Denis Ritchie for C programming. When I started with COM and failed to understand it I took Bjarne Stroustrup, but this was strong dose for me and could not understand this book, so decided to learn Thinking in C++ volume one, this was quite helpful and after this fortunately the language in Bjarne Stroustrup was quite understandable, and after Bjarne Stroustrup's book COM books were quite understandable.
When I did some reading of COM books like Don Box and Dale Roggerson (these are names of Authors - books are Essential COM and Inside COM) I thought that I am expert but then I got opportunity to meet Dr. Gokhale and he made me rethink about it. The truth was - "I was practically almost 0". So sir (Dr. Vijay Gokhale) suggested me simple thing - solve all the problems in C++ FAQ book, without looking at a single solution and this worked quite well. Before solving these FAQ questions I failed in 2-3 interviews (this was shock to me earlier I never failed in interview) and after solving the FAQ book (only about 25% to 35%) I gave 3 interviews and was successful in all of them. So I was not wrong in reading but I lagged in the practical side of the study. After that I did same kind of study of subject called "Data structues" studied it from Tanenbaum and then without referring the book wrote code for all (almost) kinds of lists, stacks, ques and little bit for trees and performance in interviews went to great from good.

I think in this C++/ software engineering learning journey the experience I gained is more important in the aspect that "how should we learn?".

Is not the same kind of mistakes we do in our daily life. We buy book like "How to win friends and influence people" and so on and so forth and at the end we understand that what I am doing something superficial and then get towards the books like "7 habits of highly effective people" which talks about paradigm shift and the basics that we should accomplish first. And then after 1-2 years we realize that I have read it but how much am I following out of those learnings? Sometimes we even hate those books thinking that I wasted my time reading it. We think so because we failed to practice it.
I think the reason we think negative is sometimes we go ahead with assumptions which are far away from reality and we ignore the truth about those assumptions because we want success at any cost and the hunger for success makes us ignore the reality and when we face reality then we become helpless and go into negative mode.

So what should be the answer to minimize the entropy (disorder) in life -
1. We should do the things, understanding the whats/ whys and hows about it.
I will give here simple example - when I was new in software development and I used to work on any development I used to find a way to do it, Once I get some way of doing it I used to say that my work is done. Then TL used to tell me from his experience that why should I do the same things some other way (I used to wonder why). As the time passed I started understanding that to be a good developer one has to answer these questions
i. "What am I doing?" is important because if I do something other than "what" I was supposed to then what is the use of doing it (unless i have done something next to Newton or Einstein). If I keep my focus on what then it is obvious that I am going to get the expected (because I am doing what was expected - required)
ii. Why is sometimes more important than what. Sometimes we keep on doing something and then this why comes - I have done this development to get this result - but "why" do I did it in the way I did? Was there any good alternative? "Why" I did not thought of that alternative if it was better?.
Sometimes the answer of why can be even more useful when - "Why am I doing it when somebody else has already done it - why not to use it as it is or with modification - why to duplicate?"
iii. How am I doing something is sometimes very important in long term. Many a times this how is ignored in the inertia or doing things faster but time comes and we understand that what was working is not extensible. The Architecture is very rigid and do not allow us any flexibility in making design changes. The reason is we failed to answer the Hows in while doing it.
So to be a good developer I need to continuously keep my eyes open to answer these Hows - it is not just what I do but also important that How I do it?

2. We should do the things when we are quite confident that I love what I am doing
I used to work in mechanical industry earlier and was quite good in work (off course because I used to love my work and understand it too) when I came to software industry and was struggling in the initial days I understood that it is not important how much money you get from this profession it is also important that "Do you love what you are doing". Fortunately after getting my basics clear I definitely love the job of software developer - it gives me opportunity to think in the shoes of God - since as a developer I am something similar to God for the product I design.

3. Don't do things for others - do it for yourself
Many times I hear complaints from friends that "I have to sit in office - because my manager do not leave office earlier", I think sitting long hours in office is wrong if you are doing it to please somebody else. It is not important to please somebody else. Our life is really quite short and it is practically almost impossible to keep pleasing everybody - accept this in case of boss as well. Doing your work with your best is important. We get paid to do the job not to please managers/ bosses. Fortunately in my last company and current company I got the bosses who care about work and not about the timings.
I do not say that stay late- stay there if you want to do so. I remember I used to sit in office for complete night when I started with software job. My problem was I wanted to develop software as good as I used to design mechanical engineering products, so to learn things fast I used to go to office on Saturday morning and then studying the code till I feel sleepy I used to return on Sunday afternoon at home, I never felt tired by doing so - the reason was simple "I was doing it for me" not for anybody else.

I think I am speaking only about work - but is the personal life really very different?
Let me find can these 3 points help me equally in personal life

1. What Why and How
- Yes I should understand what am I doing about the things which matter to my family/ myself
- Why is equally important - I go for outings with family because it makes me and them happy. If it does not then I should not go.
- How - How I spend time with family is equally important, How much is the quality of that time, spending time with family will really be great if your actions and words come from within.

2. Do things only when you love doing them -
To have long term and strong relationships it is important that I love the people/ myself - if I don't then the relations cant be really strong and long termed.

3. Do it for yourself, don't do it for others - -
When we think that "I am doing it for somebody else" then we are thinking that I have to do it and it is responsibility and there is no alternative and so on. Doing so does not every time make you happy, rather it can make you run away. Doing it understanding the importance of it in my life makes me do it for the future I have seen with these actions.

I will write again on this. I know it is not complete but I am happy that I wrote it.